i carry your heart, i carry it in my heart

I had to say good bye today to 18 people that I would consider family. My life has been changed irreversibly. I have 18 new friends, siblings, friends, brothers and sisters. We parted with tears and smiles, and I hold in my heart the hope that I will see them soon in Cambodia. 

The love that has filled up their lives has spilled over into mine. I was amazed at how they all bonded like they had been family all of their lives, even though they come from 12 different children's homes all over Cambodia. I was amazed at how loving and excepting they were of me. I don't know the language very well, I don't look the same or even come from the same kind of culture, but I found myself become family with each and every one of them. The older girls helped to teach me some Khmer and treated me like sisters; I found myself being frequently hugged by the younger girls and the boys lovingly gave me the nickname "Danasaur" when they figured out that Dana sounds a lot like the "dino" in "dinosaur." 

I was even given the honorary status of adopted Cambodian. There were no dividing lines, skin color, language barrier, culture differences. Everyone operated in love, we didn't notice the differences, we just focused on the fact that this was a Celebration of Hope. This hope is alive in the shining eyes of every kid as they dance flawlessly and it carries them as they travel state to state. You can see it in them when they get interviewed and they boldly announce what they dream of becoming: doctor, artist, translator, governor. They are full of hope and life and love and have taught me so much. I will miss them but I hold to my own hope that I will find myself back in their presence in Cambodia.

A few lines from my favorite poem:

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Until I see them all again, I carry their heart, I carry it in my heart.

With Love,
Dana

Blessed.

We are blessed to be a blessing.

But this time around as I try to bless others, I'm feeling like I'm getting more blessed in the process.

Pretty much since the day I got back from Cambodia I have been planning for when the Celebration of Hope Tour would come and perform at my dad's company and at our church. I tried to think of how I could possibly bless these people who had touched my life to the very core.

Getting ready to go to the animal park

I've never been the same since I traveled to Cambodia. I've seen these smiling faces, held some of their little hands, hugged them tightly. I've witnessed the joy and love that flows from their lives and how it spilled over into mine.

How can you possibly give that back in less than a 24 hour period?

Cupcakes were baked, food was prepared, we had all the children stay at our home and play and eat.

The experience of having all of them in my house is still very surreal! My heart is so full right now of the love I have for them and how blessed I was to watch them.

Regardless of how hard I tried to bless them, I still felt even more blessed. After their second performance that day everyone came back to my house for more food and I watched everyone playing and laughing. I sat and talked to new friends about hopes and dreams for the future and listened to one friend play the guitar.

Air mattresses were blown up, blankets, pillows and sheets collected and distributed and praise God everyone had a place to sleep (even thought it is much colder than they are used to in Cambodia!).

I left the basement after giving the boys extra blankets and pillows and checked the living room where the girls were sleeping on couches and recliners, nestled under a sea of blankets. I got to my room and looked at the peaceful sleeping faces of some of the girls who had drifted off to sleep and was so thankful to be able to share what I had with them.

Phally playing baseball

I found a spot on the floor and talked to another friend Pisey before we both fell to sleep. We talked about Cambodia and she asked me to pray for her country. Cambodia and her people are always on my heart to pray for them and as I drifted off to sleep I was so thankful to be able to talk with her and build another friendship. I have confidence that it will be a long friendship that will continue as I make trips back to Cambodia.

But last night it struck me even as I was thrilled to try and bless these kids, I realized that they have blessed me more. I was honored to have them in my home and to spend time with them as the take 6 weeks of their lives and pour into the lives of many Americans. I was blessed to talk and eat with them, to laugh and tell jokes and to just be their, soaking in how amazing it was to be there with them.

kids playing at the swingset and sandbox

I was blessed as Pastor Somalay shared her testimony with total transparency as well as Pisey. Pastor Sinai shared the vision and the dreams of New Hope for Orphans and a smile stretched across my face as I thought of the joy in each and every child in the children's homes in Cambodia and the hope that lives in their hearts now because of the love of Jesus and and the leaders who support them.

Vireak and Phearum

And they touched the hearts of so many dear friends. Our church was full of people who had come to see them perform and afterwards I heard many people say, "I can see now why you have such a heart for Cambodia and these kids." They too were touched by the contagious smiles, laughter, joy, love and hope that these children showed. I pray that they would always remember how their lives have been touched and that they would never be the same. To our hosts at Litco International and New Life Christian Center, thank you from the bottom of my heart for having the children come and perform. To everyone who helped with food and serving, I thank you for giving so much of your time and effort. That is truly a blessing. And to my 23 very good Cambodian friends and the Gepperts: thank you for pouring your lives out to touch the lives of others, for sharing your story without reservation, for showing love and giving it freely and for spending time with me. You have changed my life forever, for the better, and I am eternally grateful. God bless you.

I Love Cambodia

I could make excuses about jet lag, or being awake at 3 AM, or having to get used to Western food again (surprisingly) for why this post is so late.

But lets be honest...those would just be excuses and while all those things did happen, I just kept putting writing about my trip to Cambodia off. And dreaming that I was still there.

The faces and feelings and phrases that swirl around in your head don't begin to describe or even make sense of the events of a trip.

Marina, who was kind
enough to braid my hair
on a hot Cambodian day

Words can't really describe the way your heart is touched and life is changed. They merely scratch the surface. People ask if I'm glad to be home and its a tough question to answer. I'm glad to see my family and friends; its always nice to know that you have been missed very much and that you must be making some what of an impact that people realize you are gone. But on the other hand, I think back to smiling faces of children who you form a bond with so quickly you felt as if you had always been sitting on the step with them, as if you were a close relative who held them as a baby, watched them grow, and saw all the promise and potential hidden inside of them.

While I've only been away from home twice, I will say that coming home is (and I think always will be) bittersweet. It is as if your heart is torn in two...we visited 7 children's homes and while at the end of the day you are somewhat relieved to be heading back to your hotel to eat, rest and sleep in preparation for the next day, you lie in bed thinking of what impact you made, what lives you changed...and as I've discovered all the lives that have impacted and changed you.

My second or third day we visited the home where most of my sponsor kids and some sponsor kids that I support in prayers and encouragement live. I carried around a precious little 4 year old for several hours while we were there, not thinking about anything else but how long I had longed to be there and hold this child who for various reasons could not be held by her own mother. She is my first sponsor daughter, Dim, and has been at the children's home for a little under a year.

Friends and fellowship 

As we sat on the floor at some point in the day, one girl who was probably 7 or 8 looked up at me, smiled and asked if I was Dim's mother. I smiled, nodded and thought in my mind what would be the right way to answer. Was it presumptuous if I said yes? She did have a mother somewhere, who unfortunately could not make enough money to support her. She also had a house-mother who takes care of 30+ other children as well as her own. She was there every morning to watch over her, dress her, brush her hair. I can't be there everyday to do those things, but I think of her often, pray for her daily...I guess you can say she has been blessed with many mothers who all play a vital role in drawing out her potential and watching her grow in Christ.

Dim, taking a picture of herself with my phone

She's completely changed since the last time I saw her. When I visited Cambodia last September she was very reserved, shy, quiet. I later found at that she had only been dropped off at the home 2 weeks prior to our visit. But this time when our van pulled up I saw her and my sponsor son Joseph start to come near the van from farther away, looking to see if I was there (our van was about 15 minutes later getting there than the other vans). As we drew closer their walk turned into a run and I don't think I have had a happier moment in my life.

These kids are so full of live, love, joy. They call you "momma" or "sister", grab your arm, hold your hand, hug you. It doesn't matter that you don't speak Khmer or some of them don't speak English. Non-verbal communication dominates and you just look at each other and smile. It wasn't easy to finally have to say good-bye that day to these children who were in my prayers and mind. But I have hope that I will see them again soon, and this is just the beginning of many trips to walk among nations and people.

Visiting a home
and getting to see this boy
that I pray for daily

I am so grateful to the amazing brothers and sisters in Cambodia. They took time away from their families and lives to travel with us and translate for us. They were patient with our large team and with each one of us individually, answering questions, taking the time to make conversation and taking care of details for our comfort and convenience.

I'm thankful for my friends in the States who have dedicated their lives to the nations. They take time away from their families to spend 20+ hours on airplaines, in airports, on dirt roads and in straw huts. They are patient, loving, kind...always generous and I am so thankful that I was invited. Their humility amazes me, and there are many times where I stop, thinking how surreal a situation is and wondering why in the billions of people on earth I was chosen to be blessed with the opportunities I have received.

Makara 

My heart can't express enough the godly love I feel for these dear friends, how grateful I am, how in awe of them I am. The diversity and unity, the laughing and bonding, the rejoicing together and sharing memories, memories that are engrained within me...I make it my aim to show that same love, exhibit that same humility, give of myself as generously to all I meet and in every opportunity giving thanks.

To the people of America and Cambodia: I love you and am eternally grateful.