Never stop sowing seed.

"Never stop sowing seed." My dad said these words with great simplicity in a poignant way.

We were driving home from our family Christmas party where close to 200 of my dad's relatives gathered to share a meal and an afternoon celebrating Christmas.

We got in the car afterwards and I could he was thinking about something. But he wouldn't say what.

The car slowed and we pulled into the cemetery and then it slowed again as my eyes lifted to a familiar sight. My grandmothers heart shaped headstone stood out quite clearly to me and I thought.

I thought about this woman who I had never met and never known but who my heart filled with love for as tears formed in my eyes. I had heard many times from my dad about how magical Christmas was growing up for him and how special it was and I knew he missed his mother greatly.

I too missed this woman who I had heard so much about. Who's love flowed down through the hearts of her 19 children. This woman who was constantly giving of everything she had. No, I had never met my grandmother but I know in my heart I aspire to be like her.

And then we stopped in front of a grave much fresher. Fresh pain comes too as we have had much loss this year in our family. We had a much larger turn out at the family party this year but there was a noticeably somber atmosphere.

This year has been a year of great growth for me. It wasn't easy or happy all the time. I used to be a very closed off person...quiet, stoic, seemingly ignorant to emotions.

But all this has changed. My heart has is open. It is feeling. I find myself confronted with tears at things that, in the past, I would have fought against responding too. I tear up when I think about the children in Cambodia who have nothing. I was greatly moved when I read an article my cousin wrote about their journey through adoption. I find that my heart has become tender to these things.

When John the Baptist was beheaded, Jesus went of to be alone. But the crowds still followed. Instead of turning them away to grieve in selfish solitude, Jesus had compassion; true charity and love and he healed their sick.

I've learned this year the importance of opening up your heart. It is not always pleasant to make yourself vulnerable, but where pain abounds, love abounds so much more.

You cannot truly give without love. I know my grandmother loved and sowed seeds of love. I know my Aunt Dot loved. And while bodies may die, those seeds never do. Like a gentle wind blows the seeds of a dandelion to various places, our seeds of love travel far beyond where we could imagine and perpetuate throughout time.

I am keenly aware now of the changes that have taken place in me and I rejoice. I am thankful for the lessons and principles learned. I am grateful for a heart full of love, open, honest. I pray for a heart like those great women in my family. A heart ready to constantly give and sow. And I will remember those words "never stop sowing." Because each seed will go out and grow. It will touch others hearts. Perhaps it will open other hearts up also. And while it is true that tender hearts feel pain, it is necessary to have a tender heart before love can flow from it. And love, like blood that is pumped through the veins, carries a healing power. It carries hope and plants seeds.

So never stop loving; never stop sowing and always keep your heart open.

Thank You!

It's been a crazy week.

7 pounds of butter, 8 pounds of flour, 4 pounds of sugar, dozens of eggs and many sleepless nights later I realize how big and how fast Cupcakes for Cambodia grew.

I expected a few orders here and there...

I thought maybe some people might be interested in the cause.

What truly blesses my heart is too see orders pouring in and people freely giving donations just to help out.

I thought that things would be slow at first, but boy was I wrong. I pretty much have to stop taking Christmas orders because my schedule is jam packed (or else I'll have a night like I did last night where I ran out of sugar at 4:30 in the morning and still had cupcakes to bake. I finished them the next morning after a very much needed 2 hours of sleep).

And I am by no means complaining. I am simply in awe of how much people are willing to give (I am also in awe of how many cupcakes some people can eat hehe :)

So this is a simple thank you to everyone to everyone who has contributed through ordering, donating, building the website, supporting and helping, and telling others.

I would also like to thank SEAPC and everyone involved who on a daily basis gives of themselves to provide children in Southeast Asia a home, food, education, the Bible, medical care and so forth. The more I get to know those in Asia and those in America, the more I am awed, inspired, and thankful for each and every one of you!

I truly appreciate you and wish you blessings to you and yours this Christmas season.

Dream

Let me just preface this blog with a side note that as I sit here and write this, the weather is absolutely perfect for writing. It is December and while I would love snow, I really don't mind a soft gentle rain pattering down on the roof while I write. In fact, it may be my favorite weather for writing in.

Anyway, sometimes inspiration comes at the oddest of times and when you least expect it. I just spent my weekend doing absolutely nothing as I recovered from all the baking and working last week and in preparation for the next 2 weeks of baking as Christmas quietly approaches. So I wasn't trying to think deep thoughts or really even think about anything...I was really focused on sleeping and doing nothing.

But then I picked up a book, which transported me to another dimension you can say, and once the thoughts got going, I just ran with them.

I've been thinking dreams lately. I guess you could say the idea of "dreams" the notion of it, the imagination, the beauty of its wild wanderings has always been with me. I've thought about dreams a lot. I would consider myself a dreamer.

a dimension of dreams.

One of the favorite stories of my childhood that my dad tells about me was when he took me to Mosquito Lake one time when I was about 3 or 4. It was a beautiful sunny day and he said that as we were getting out of the car the Lord spoke to him and said, "Watch her." This was not like a "watch her, something bad is going to try to happen," but more of a "watch her, watch how she acts and thinks and what her mindset and imagination is." He proceeds to tell how, with childlike innocence devoid of any prejudice or preconceived ideas, walked up to an older African American gentleman who was fishing and started a conversation about how his fishing was going, not caring about the color of his skin, his age or income or background.

When we were through with our adventure that day and started walking back to the car, I laid down on the pavement and told my dad, "Lay down and lets watch the clouds."

I love that.

I love how the imagination of a child works. Unless they have been preconditioned or taught otherwise, they are not bound by societies limitations regarding income, race, family background, religion, tax brackets, political parties or professions.I love how children don't think about whether doing something like laying down in the parking lot will look foolish or not.

And every once in a while I find the need to rid myself of all those ridiculous boundaries and prejudices that have snuck their way in too.

I like to be free to dream the impossible, the improbable, the unlikely, the unknown.

I like to take those cloudy areas and just lay down and watch them become clear cut goals in my mind.

My favorite movie growing up was Pocahontas. I loved the beauty of her wild freedom, the way that she seemed bound by nothing and her attitude that anything was possible. I think that stuck with me.

I have always sensed purpose. I have always sensed the need for freedom and imagination. I didn't necessarily say, "Hey, I dream of baking and taking a trip to Cambodia and trying to help children over there."

painting I did to serve as a little reminder :)

But I did allow myself to dream big, so when the time came I didn't automatically limit myself and say "I can't do that I'm only 18. Its not really going to make that big of an impact. I don't have time. I didn't even graduate from highschool."

I really don't believe that we were created with that kind of thinking. And I love talking to other people who dream. I recently had some great conversations with people. And when you start bouncing back ideas off of each other and there is no one there to instantly throw up barriers and questions, its amazing to see what you are capable of dreaming.

How big, how wide, how long, what kind, how far, where?

These questions should be asked and answered with the intention of creating a solution to fit the enormity of your dream, not as a doubtful response and excuse to not do something.

So I think that this is the season to start dreaming. Without dreams , nothing great could be accomplished. This is an easy task because Christmas is coming and the hope and energy that surrounds this season gives us the ability to dream easier.

Just start. Just do it. It doesn't matter if it is one of those wild thoughts that runs across your mind like wild mustangs across plains. Run with it...just see what happens.

:)

Believe!

This is quite possibly the most wonderful time of the year.

There are so many things that I just love as fall slides into winter and holiday preparations begin. I like waking up to freshly fallen snow, breathing in deeply the cold clean December air. I like crackling fires and black and white Christmas movies. 

first snowfall of the year

But most of all, I love this time of year for what happens to the human spirit. Some people say its a "magical" time of the year. I prefer to say that it is a time when believing becomes alive and faith becomes real. There is expectancy in the air, and generosity in hearts. 

I believe is a special time because, for the most part, people and put aside their differences and focus, with a united mind, on others. I feel love and compassion well up on the inside of me when I see acts of kindness and generosity. 

Call me naive, but I still think that its the one time of year where people think less about themselves and more giving towards others. Just walk pass people crowded around present donation booths in the mall, or long lines at the Salvation army gift wrap centers. Look at local rescue missions, food banks, churches and charities to see volunteers who give their time and energy with a smile on their face and joy in their heart.

I also love time with family, the tradition baking, cooking and feasting, present wrapping, tree decorating.

   

But what I most love about this time of the year is hope, belief and faith. The air is full of hope, expectancy. In in the midst of the most desperate of times, there is a hope that surrounds this time of year. The hopes of the hopeless are filled with hope and perhaps even belief that Christmas miracles still do exist. Movies like Miracle on 34th Street express this sentiment, and the importance of belief in faith in our lives. Believe that goodness still exists and is active in the lives of others. Believe in the impossible, impractical, and unconquerable. Believe in the unseen and unknown.There is the warmth and a renewed faith as I watch human beings give of themselves for others, their spouses, and children. There is excitement and buzz in the air. That is hope incubating in the hearts of people. Hope and expectancy for the season. Hope that dispels the darkness and brings joy. And as that hope continues to grow in hearts, it spills over into acts of love, bursts of joy, smiles on faces, and faith in action. Yes, I love this season most because of the hope and belief that surrounds the season and the contagious effects it causes. Be blessed and filled with hope and belief this Christmas season!