i carry your heart, i carry it in my heart

I had to say good bye today to 18 people that I would consider family. My life has been changed irreversibly. I have 18 new friends, siblings, friends, brothers and sisters. We parted with tears and smiles, and I hold in my heart the hope that I will see them soon in Cambodia. 

The love that has filled up their lives has spilled over into mine. I was amazed at how they all bonded like they had been family all of their lives, even though they come from 12 different children's homes all over Cambodia. I was amazed at how loving and excepting they were of me. I don't know the language very well, I don't look the same or even come from the same kind of culture, but I found myself become family with each and every one of them. The older girls helped to teach me some Khmer and treated me like sisters; I found myself being frequently hugged by the younger girls and the boys lovingly gave me the nickname "Danasaur" when they figured out that Dana sounds a lot like the "dino" in "dinosaur." 

I was even given the honorary status of adopted Cambodian. There were no dividing lines, skin color, language barrier, culture differences. Everyone operated in love, we didn't notice the differences, we just focused on the fact that this was a Celebration of Hope. This hope is alive in the shining eyes of every kid as they dance flawlessly and it carries them as they travel state to state. You can see it in them when they get interviewed and they boldly announce what they dream of becoming: doctor, artist, translator, governor. They are full of hope and life and love and have taught me so much. I will miss them but I hold to my own hope that I will find myself back in their presence in Cambodia.

A few lines from my favorite poem:

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Until I see them all again, I carry their heart, I carry it in my heart.

With Love,
Dana

Blessed.

We are blessed to be a blessing.

But this time around as I try to bless others, I'm feeling like I'm getting more blessed in the process.

Pretty much since the day I got back from Cambodia I have been planning for when the Celebration of Hope Tour would come and perform at my dad's company and at our church. I tried to think of how I could possibly bless these people who had touched my life to the very core.

Getting ready to go to the animal park

I've never been the same since I traveled to Cambodia. I've seen these smiling faces, held some of their little hands, hugged them tightly. I've witnessed the joy and love that flows from their lives and how it spilled over into mine.

How can you possibly give that back in less than a 24 hour period?

Cupcakes were baked, food was prepared, we had all the children stay at our home and play and eat.

The experience of having all of them in my house is still very surreal! My heart is so full right now of the love I have for them and how blessed I was to watch them.

Regardless of how hard I tried to bless them, I still felt even more blessed. After their second performance that day everyone came back to my house for more food and I watched everyone playing and laughing. I sat and talked to new friends about hopes and dreams for the future and listened to one friend play the guitar.

Air mattresses were blown up, blankets, pillows and sheets collected and distributed and praise God everyone had a place to sleep (even thought it is much colder than they are used to in Cambodia!).

I left the basement after giving the boys extra blankets and pillows and checked the living room where the girls were sleeping on couches and recliners, nestled under a sea of blankets. I got to my room and looked at the peaceful sleeping faces of some of the girls who had drifted off to sleep and was so thankful to be able to share what I had with them.

Phally playing baseball

I found a spot on the floor and talked to another friend Pisey before we both fell to sleep. We talked about Cambodia and she asked me to pray for her country. Cambodia and her people are always on my heart to pray for them and as I drifted off to sleep I was so thankful to be able to talk with her and build another friendship. I have confidence that it will be a long friendship that will continue as I make trips back to Cambodia.

But last night it struck me even as I was thrilled to try and bless these kids, I realized that they have blessed me more. I was honored to have them in my home and to spend time with them as the take 6 weeks of their lives and pour into the lives of many Americans. I was blessed to talk and eat with them, to laugh and tell jokes and to just be their, soaking in how amazing it was to be there with them.

kids playing at the swingset and sandbox

I was blessed as Pastor Somalay shared her testimony with total transparency as well as Pisey. Pastor Sinai shared the vision and the dreams of New Hope for Orphans and a smile stretched across my face as I thought of the joy in each and every child in the children's homes in Cambodia and the hope that lives in their hearts now because of the love of Jesus and and the leaders who support them.

Vireak and Phearum

And they touched the hearts of so many dear friends. Our church was full of people who had come to see them perform and afterwards I heard many people say, "I can see now why you have such a heart for Cambodia and these kids." They too were touched by the contagious smiles, laughter, joy, love and hope that these children showed. I pray that they would always remember how their lives have been touched and that they would never be the same. To our hosts at Litco International and New Life Christian Center, thank you from the bottom of my heart for having the children come and perform. To everyone who helped with food and serving, I thank you for giving so much of your time and effort. That is truly a blessing. And to my 23 very good Cambodian friends and the Gepperts: thank you for pouring your lives out to touch the lives of others, for sharing your story without reservation, for showing love and giving it freely and for spending time with me. You have changed my life forever, for the better, and I am eternally grateful. God bless you.

I Love Cambodia

I could make excuses about jet lag, or being awake at 3 AM, or having to get used to Western food again (surprisingly) for why this post is so late.

But lets be honest...those would just be excuses and while all those things did happen, I just kept putting writing about my trip to Cambodia off. And dreaming that I was still there.

The faces and feelings and phrases that swirl around in your head don't begin to describe or even make sense of the events of a trip.

Marina, who was kind
enough to braid my hair
on a hot Cambodian day

Words can't really describe the way your heart is touched and life is changed. They merely scratch the surface. People ask if I'm glad to be home and its a tough question to answer. I'm glad to see my family and friends; its always nice to know that you have been missed very much and that you must be making some what of an impact that people realize you are gone. But on the other hand, I think back to smiling faces of children who you form a bond with so quickly you felt as if you had always been sitting on the step with them, as if you were a close relative who held them as a baby, watched them grow, and saw all the promise and potential hidden inside of them.

While I've only been away from home twice, I will say that coming home is (and I think always will be) bittersweet. It is as if your heart is torn in two...we visited 7 children's homes and while at the end of the day you are somewhat relieved to be heading back to your hotel to eat, rest and sleep in preparation for the next day, you lie in bed thinking of what impact you made, what lives you changed...and as I've discovered all the lives that have impacted and changed you.

My second or third day we visited the home where most of my sponsor kids and some sponsor kids that I support in prayers and encouragement live. I carried around a precious little 4 year old for several hours while we were there, not thinking about anything else but how long I had longed to be there and hold this child who for various reasons could not be held by her own mother. She is my first sponsor daughter, Dim, and has been at the children's home for a little under a year.

Friends and fellowship 

As we sat on the floor at some point in the day, one girl who was probably 7 or 8 looked up at me, smiled and asked if I was Dim's mother. I smiled, nodded and thought in my mind what would be the right way to answer. Was it presumptuous if I said yes? She did have a mother somewhere, who unfortunately could not make enough money to support her. She also had a house-mother who takes care of 30+ other children as well as her own. She was there every morning to watch over her, dress her, brush her hair. I can't be there everyday to do those things, but I think of her often, pray for her daily...I guess you can say she has been blessed with many mothers who all play a vital role in drawing out her potential and watching her grow in Christ.

Dim, taking a picture of herself with my phone

She's completely changed since the last time I saw her. When I visited Cambodia last September she was very reserved, shy, quiet. I later found at that she had only been dropped off at the home 2 weeks prior to our visit. But this time when our van pulled up I saw her and my sponsor son Joseph start to come near the van from farther away, looking to see if I was there (our van was about 15 minutes later getting there than the other vans). As we drew closer their walk turned into a run and I don't think I have had a happier moment in my life.

These kids are so full of live, love, joy. They call you "momma" or "sister", grab your arm, hold your hand, hug you. It doesn't matter that you don't speak Khmer or some of them don't speak English. Non-verbal communication dominates and you just look at each other and smile. It wasn't easy to finally have to say good-bye that day to these children who were in my prayers and mind. But I have hope that I will see them again soon, and this is just the beginning of many trips to walk among nations and people.

Visiting a home
and getting to see this boy
that I pray for daily

I am so grateful to the amazing brothers and sisters in Cambodia. They took time away from their families and lives to travel with us and translate for us. They were patient with our large team and with each one of us individually, answering questions, taking the time to make conversation and taking care of details for our comfort and convenience.

I'm thankful for my friends in the States who have dedicated their lives to the nations. They take time away from their families to spend 20+ hours on airplaines, in airports, on dirt roads and in straw huts. They are patient, loving, kind...always generous and I am so thankful that I was invited. Their humility amazes me, and there are many times where I stop, thinking how surreal a situation is and wondering why in the billions of people on earth I was chosen to be blessed with the opportunities I have received.

Makara 

My heart can't express enough the godly love I feel for these dear friends, how grateful I am, how in awe of them I am. The diversity and unity, the laughing and bonding, the rejoicing together and sharing memories, memories that are engrained within me...I make it my aim to show that same love, exhibit that same humility, give of myself as generously to all I meet and in every opportunity giving thanks.

To the people of America and Cambodia: I love you and am eternally grateful.

Adventures and packing and toys...oh my!

I don't know if you all have forgotten about Octo-mom, but in case you have, here's a recap:

One mother. Eight babies.

One of the nicer pictures of Octo-mom I could find

That pretty much sums it up, and like other odd ball news stories I'm not sure why the story was so famous except for this single mother was pregnant with 8 babies (she already had twins or triplets that were older I think) and she had and kept all 8, albeit with lots of help from friends and family. And everyone thought she was crazy.

So why am I talking about this?

Because while shopping for a few hours the other day, I think I realized what it would be like to take a walk in her shoes. Or any mother's perhaps.

Dim with her birthday present in Feb.

In preparation for my trip to Cambodia I decided I wanted to get some gifts for my sponsor kids. Dim was my first sponsor child (she just turned 4) and I met her on my first trip to Cambodia. Joseph was sponsored second through money raised from Cupcakes for Cambodia's orders (and his sponsorship is paid up through 2013...yay! Thanks to everyone who ordered and donated!). Then some months ago the company my dad works for who sponsors 5 kids asked if I would be their contact, someone who writes the kids letters and prays for them daily, because they know my heart for Cambodia and the New Hope kids. Of course I gladly accepted, went out that night to get picture frames and proudly displayed them around the house. Bam! Five more kids.

The girls! (but not all of them)

The latest addition to the family came this spring, a girl who is just a few months younger than me, and I think of her as a sister.

Fast forward to this weekend and last night and there I was, wondering around the mall and K-mart with these types of questions flooding my mind:

"What kind of toys does a 10 year old boy play with?"

"What if they don't like this color?"

"Should I get markers or crayons?"

"Would kazoos for all the kids drive the houseparents and care takers crazy?"

"I wonder if this will fit in my suitcase/make it through customs/fit on the van on the ride to the home..."

(everyone can rest easy...no kazoos were purchased)

There I was, 8 kids, different ages, genders, different hobbies and various colors that they had named as their favorite. There I was confused as ever, but determined to force my brain to be logical, think very hard and quit worrying about every single detail and not be like crazy Octo-mom having a breakdown in the middle of the toys isle.

I'm sure I got some interesting looks though when I came to the register with all the hubba bubba bubble gum that was on the candy shelf, jump ropes and 12 bottles of nail polish...

Am I the only one who love this stuff as a kid? 

What I'm really hoping for is to just show these kids how much they are loved, cared for and thought about.

I'm sure I'll be writing a follow up post with lots of pictures of when I get to hand out the presents, and if you find me in the toy isle, an encouraging word is always helpful :)

9 days

9 days, 18 hours, 1 minute and 48 seconds.

I have a countdown on my phone for the exact time my flight departs Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. After 22 hours of travel I will land in Phnom Penh Cambodia.

I'm just a little bit excited. Sometimes I feel like a balloon about to pop and anyone who has tried to generate casual conversation with me the past few days has only heard me open up my mouth to gush about the wonders of Cambodia, how much I love the kids, how long I will be there...



I'm doing it again aren't I?

But after 10 long months of waiting I'm finally going back! YIPPEE!

Regardless of how much I may talk about it, I feel like words just can't describe the multitude of feelings that come rushing in when I think about the trip. Excitement, wonder, awe, impatience to get there. I feel a bit nervous too. I'll be meeting many of the kids again, but this time some of them I sponsor, some I pray for every night, some I know from the dozen of pictures on facebook.

I think about the staff and caregivers in the children's homes, what sacrifices they have made, the daily exercises in patience, love and being a parent figure to 20 or 30 children. I'm amazed by the unconditional love they show and have for the orphaned, abandoned, hungry and poor.

I think about the kind of lives these kids might have led, what those precious little eyes have seen that they shouldn't have, what they have felt and experienced that someone that young should not have.

You would never be able to tell that any one of them has ever faced a problem though. Joy bubbles over in their laughter and smiles, huge grins because they love getting their picture taken, they love running up to visitors and singing and dancing for them.

And suddenly your heart is overwhelmed with the self less love they demonstrate to you that I just want to give them everything. I want to demonstrate the love Jesus has for them. I want to give them gifts, give them words of encouragement, communicate just how precious, how unique they are and let their wide eyes see just how big they can dream, just how bright their future is. Brighter than stars, brighter than the sun blazing hot on a Cambodian summer day. Everything they have overcome at their young age, and they still beam a smile. That's hope. New hope. A generation in Cambodia is rising, one that will walk away from the dark night of the past and into the dazzling light of a promising future.

Those words don't even begin to describe the joy the smiling faces of those kids.

Of course, I run into people that don't understand. When I say I'm going to Cambodia they look at me as if I had a third eye. I just smile and try to explain and I accept the fact that some people will never understand. They are family, friends, well meaning people who will unintentionally try to put as much fear in me as possible with questions about the food, water, safety and traveling. Just smile and nod.

I myself can't give any definitive answer as to why Southeast Asia...why not Africa, Nepal, the Fiji islands, Europe where I had always wanted to travel. Why not here in the US? But when a love overtakes your heart, you don't just shrug it off. You learn to love back, love the people and their culture, their ways and habits and think of them as family.

I'm discovering that life is so much more meaningful when you live with an open heart, wherever you are. I am so thankful that so many have opened their heart and trusted me, and I intend to pay that forward to others.

A dead branch supports nothing.

I am 19 years old and I still have not lost my sense of adventure. Or tree climbing. And I will make sure I never lose either.

I used to have quite an imagination when I was younger and I would climb in trees at my house or my grandparents' house, where I had a favorite tree. This tree had two thick branches that formed a "V" shape and I would pretend that I was Rapunzel and the V shape was my window and the tree was my high, high tower.

My favorite spot on my favorite apple tree!

On other occasions I would pretend that I lived in the trees in the jungle as I lay on the branches and peered up at the sky. I used to climb a tree in my back yard and sit on a branch nearly horizontal and pretend that I was Pocahontas sailing to England, or Pocahontas riding here horse (deep down I still kind of wish I was Pocahontas). They were hid-a-ways, houses, castles, horses, ships and just about anything else. I loved the thrill of climbing higher and looking down, the challenge of initially climbing up, the peacefulness in resting on the branches.

So tonight I went and climbed one of my favorite apple trees. The trunk and supporting branches are not very high, but they are sturdy and very shady and perfecting for comfortably sitting on ( and they have smooth bark instead of the really bumpy scratchy kind).

Unfortunately a medium sized dead branch kept getting in my way, tangling my hair, threatening to scratch my face. So I broke the brittle thing off and threw it to the ground! Triumph! (and peace) But it got me thinking about branches...

A few observations that I found are universal truths if we think and apply it in our own lives. Dead branches are brittle. They don't yield, they are supple and can't bend. They are dry and brittle and if too much weight or pressure is applied they snap off.

The second thing was that they don't support anything. A very large thick supporting branch in the middle of the apple tree was pretty much dead, and in my maneuvering to get down discovered that if I put all my weight there for much longer I would have a sudden meeting with the ground. Because dead branches don't support anything. They can't hold up under applied pressure because they've become dry and lost the strength and support that living branches have. They also don't support living branches or fruit and become rather a nuisance to the tree (or climber) sucking nutrients and water but lending back nothing in return.

They play no significant role and take away from the beauty of the tree as their tiny dead and gnarled branches have curled up and weathered. Their bark isn't even smooth anymore.

But living branches take the nutrients and water given and continually produce. Even when they don't have blossoms or fruit, they have leaves, which produce oxygen and take out carbon dioxide. Their leaves form a canopy of cool shade, their branches are supple under pressure and are able to bend without breaking.

Furthermore, mature trees have thick strong supporting branches and trunks while young trees who have grown for a lesser period of time still can't support a significant amount of weight because their trunk hasn't been thickened by developing more "rings" from the nutrients given.

Think about that. Have you received things to help you grow and develop and are you using them to become a support system that is mature? Do you support and yield life in everything that you do, or are you a brittle dead branch that has stopped contributing any thing useful? Are you flexible? Can you yield under pressure or do you snap and break down?

A living branch produces, gives and has purpose, but a dead branch supports nothing.

Every summer has a story...

Warm days

Cool nights

Blue skies and shining stars

Waves, wind and sand

Flowers blooming

chocolate with vanilla buttercream
and chocolate sprinkles

S'mores and bonfires

Melting ice cream cones and sizzling grills

Sun tan lotion and cold ice tea

Sun bursting on the horizon....



Yes my friends, summer is here. And while it is currently raining outside and quite dreary, I have no doubt that June day is just the first pages of a book soon to be written entitled "Summer 2013."

I'm very excited for summer. Not because I hate snow and curse the dreaded winter like most Northeast Ohioans, but because I find each season unique and lovable. With each year comes 4 seasons, each with their own quirks but also with a long list of reasons why they should be enjoyed.

So summer is no exception. Some of my favorite parts I listed above and some of the reasons I love summer just can't be formed into words.

a lovely assortment

I'm constantly amazed at this world I've been planted in and I stand in awe of its majestic wonder and the splendor of Him who created it.

We get pretty busy during the summer but never forget to stop and take quiet moments to just soak it all in and relish it.

I don't know what activities you have planned this summer, maybe planning your grad party or celebrating the end of a great baseball season, or just enjoying the (soon to be) beautiful weather with loved ones, I wish you all the happiness and laughter in these moments.

Let me also take a moment to offer a bit of assistance.

Chocolate with a scoop of fresh raspberry buttercream

Because I love to bake.

And well....you love to eat (as do I, my friend). And you love to party too!

So here's the thing...whether you are planning a grad party or helping out with one (and if so, God bless you!) or any other get together, picnic, hosting a Fourth of July party or any other summer bash, may I suggest cupcakes?

Red velvet with cream cheese cloud frosting

"Why?" you may ask...because they're perfect. They are fuss-free, plate free, no fork required little bites of goodness. Infinitely customize-able. Easy to take to whatever event you are attending and easy for guests to eat. Perfectly portioned. No cutting, plating, or portioning necessary...and because I will be baking them your kitchen can stay mess free and your oven off...no sweat! (hehe literally).

AND if you needed any more reasons, I'm working on a summer menu right now. So after you wipe that drool off your chin, head on over to this page and start filling out that order! All profits after costs go to Cambodia.

And speaking of Cambodia...I'm going back in July! 10 days of bliss back in the 'bodia. Hanging out with these guys (see photos below!) :) Don't forget those cupcakes!

every summer has a story...make this one unforgettable!

Dim, my sponsor daughter, receiving her birthday package!

Another photo of Dim

Back row L to R: Mara and Makara
Front Row: Suo Sdey, Joseph and Srey Luch

Staff member Sokhom with all the school children

Me and the daughter of the houseparents at Siem Reap

Another picture of the girls :)