Home...

"Momma once told me, you're already home where you feel loved." -Lost in My Mind, Head and the Heart

I've had some time to reflect now on the events of the past few months. First, in the end of July came my 10 day trip to Cambodia and then the day after we left the Celebration of Hope Tour consisting of 5 adult leaders and 18 children departed from Cambodia to the U.S. for 6 weeks. August 14 I got in my car and drove a few miles down the road to their first performance in Ohio, at the company my dad works at. Later on they performed at my church and after much food and fellowship I had a huge sleepover with 21 members of my Khmer family :)

Phearum and Vireak playing the guitar and singing

The next morning was the first time I had to say good-bye and I returned to work that day in a daze, saddened, wanting more time to spend with everyone. Friday came and my wish was granted...what was supposed to be a one day visit with them in Pittsburgh at Kennywood Amusement Park turned into an extended stay until Sunday. Then the second good-bye came rather quietly.

Srey Leap and I

The next week I rejoined my new family and siblings on Thursday and this time stayed until Monday. When I count the days they don't seem to be that many...I can think of weeks that have gone by and nothing memorable happening.

Pisey, Srey Leak, Me, Srey Nou and Deborah

And then you have days where it seems every moment is precious and you try not to think of the minutes slipping by like sand in an hourglass, counting down until the time of your departure. Every moment is precious, every conversation so burned into my memory. Its those times and moments of intense socializing and talking that people open up. People who I didn't know 3 months ago I now count as precious friends, and people who I had briefly known before I know call brother and sister.

My mind drifted off to my last few days in Cambodia. The days were long, full of laughter and long rides in the van, conversations and singing and praying. They were full of life and living it in the best way possible: surrounded by like minded people who you were united to with a common goal and purpose. We drove into Phnom Penh 2 days before our departure, stopping at a children's home on the way. The afternoon had slipped quickly by and the sun sank in the sky as our van slowly pushed its way through the heavy crowds and jammed traffic. It was the last day to campaign before the elections and the streets were overflowed with crowded vans and people, music and voices and noise and smiling faces.

Me and my roommate/sister Kate

My sister Sothea :) 

I remember amid the chaos breathing a sigh of relief and feeling like I was arriving home. Peace washed over me, it was the gentle waves of the ocean and I was the shore, soaking it all in clinging and absorbing every ounce of it.

Long van rides are always fun

Dinner at one of the churches before a performance

I tried to keep my mind pre-occupied though...I didn't want to think about leaving that place. It was not that I did not want to see my parents or sleep in my own bed, but that I did not want to leave these people who I had become accustomed to, who were constantly in my presence. We had traveled together, eaten together, talked, cried, worshiped together. There was camaraderie and familiarity with those people.

My sweet new sister Thida 

Sponsor son Joseph and daughter Dim

Besides that, I think I had fallen in love with the children at the homes we visited. I am shy by nature and do my best to open up, but it is difficult and often requires time. I so wanted to spend more time, to be able to demonstrate that I cared and wanted to establish a relationship and bond with the kids at these homes and the house fathers and mothers and staff who watched over and took care of them.

Pastor Sinai and Somalay

Pastor Somalay and I talking

I was blessed with that opportunity when I was in Pittsburgh with the kids on the COH Tour. I got a chance to talk to the staff and play with the children. I observed how they functioned and interacted; it was like they were a family that had grown up together in the same house. I rode in the vans with them and we sang songs, and the attempted to teach me Khmer (I'm getting better!). We walked to the "market" or store and they bought skateboards and scooters and played outside.

We traveled to churches and I got to help with the photography and costume changes for the girls in between songs. I got to spend time with the older girls watching tv, talking, taking photos and doing each others hair.

And then we had to say good-bye for the third time. This time good-bye was final, at least for this trip. Tears abounded. Its been like 2 weeks since that happened and there are still some days that I cry. I've become addicted to facebook (I kind of already was...) in hopes of seeing updates and photos from the rest of the Tour on the West coast. My mind has already begun planning my next trip to Cambodia.

Through all these thoughts and meditations I realized something: I felt at home that day driving into Phnom Penh, I felt at home at the Super 8 hotel with 18 other Cambodian children eating Ramen noodles in the lobby and riding scooters in the parking lot. I felt at home as I sat and talked to my friend in my room when we had our Cambodian sleepover and she asked me to pray for her country and for peace.


Home has nothing to do with physical location. A house is built in one physical location, a home is built from love and friendship in the hearts of others. Home is the sense of belonging. I hope every person feels what I do when I am around my friends from SEAPC and NHO. Its a sense of love and belonging, like you've known these people for a lifetime and longer. These are friends who would lay down their lives for you and you lay down your lives for them. I realize that I continue to live in Ohio and that everyday routines must go on, but I look forward when I can again be "at home" whether that is with my family in Cambodia, my spiritual family in Oklahoma, or when friends gather in my house.

My good friends Hubert and Matthew

Home isn't necessarily where you are born or where you are right now, but a state of mind, a place where you belong and where you feel loved.