Maybe It's Enough...

There are things that defy logic. Things that cannot be explained in a theory or comprehended by limited human knowledge.

Sometimes I think my life is strange. I talk to people around me, I step back and observe my surroundings and watch how others live. Why couldn't I be satisfied with going to university, getting a degree, getting married and raising a family? Why couldn't I be satisfied with a nice house in a neighborhood not too far from my parents. I could meet someone and fall in love, have 2 or three kids, send them to school to repeat the process.

Its great for some people. Everyone has different dreams. Some would think my dreams are crazy, unnatural, they would say I am pushing the envelope or think I was just plain weird. They're probably right.

And if I don't try my best to walk in love, I would say the same about them. But its not what I want, not really. I never wanted to go to college, I can't stand the suburbs. I've always wanted to travel, wild beautiful places tucked into the corners of the earth, places that seem untouched by the hand of man. I like different cultures and traditions and the way different languages sound as they roll of the tongue of a native speaker. I would be happy with a passport and a suitcase, my eyes wide, ears open.

I like how you can communicate with people without words. You can look into the eyes of a person and see a glimpse of their life. And for many its not easy, but a smile still manages to spread across their face. Pain has been washed away along with emotional distress. Images not meant to be seen by innocent eyes fade and the glorious light of hope and the idea of freedom grows where hate once choked it all out.

There are some who's eyes it is hard to look into. The pain is still there, still fresh. They are hopeless. There is no end of the day to day misery they are faced with and not matter what actions they take they find themselves sinking into a black despair as they are consumed by the circumstances around them. They don't know how to get out, they don't know any other way.

I heart hurts for people like this. I want to take their hand in mine. I want them to feel how life could be, how love could fill their hearts, how memories of the past could be swept away and hope could shine forth in their eyes. I want to wipe away tears and fill empty bellies.

I've been to some of these places and sat with children in orphanages. As much as I wish I had the courage to get up and share a story or sing a song or blow up animal balloons and tell jokes, I realize that is someone else's gifts and talents. Maybe it's enough to just love, to demonstrate that love by holding a child's hand or sitting next to them or giving them a hug because they don't have their mom and dad to hug them every day and tell them "I love you."

Those are powerful words. I think back in my life and I would definitely attribute my stability as a person, both in who I am and in my emotional state, to the love my parents and grandparetns constantly and consistently demonstrated. I was "princess" and "Dana Dee" and the apple of someone's eye. I think the least I could do is pay that love forward. Because who knows what that love could enable a child to do? It could build them up and maybe there dream is to go on to be a doctor, work in government, be an architect or missionary. Maybe their dream is just to be a mother and continue the cycle of love.

We can only do and be and demonstrate who we are and what our purpose enough. And we can love. And maybe that can change the world...maybe its enough.

Pray for Cambodia!

Background Note: Basically there is political unrest in Cambodia right now due to the elections that were held July 28.

I used to get very upset about politics and the government in man. I would argue and fight with people, I would get sarcastic and cynical and disrespect the leaders of my country or foreign leaders who were doing a poor job in my opinion. But all of that is fruitless, and in fact will not bring change.

But prayer will.

How do we pray in times of intense struggle? What should we pray and how should we pray? We should always go back to God's word to find out what He says about it.
My favorite chapter regarding government and politics is Psalm 2:

Psalm 2 

1 Why are the nations so angry? 

Why do they waste their time with futile plans? 

2 The kings of the earth prepare for battle; 

the rulers plot together 

against the Lord 

and against his anointed one. 

3 “Let us break their chains,” they cry, 

“and free ourselves from slavery to God.” 

4 But the one who rules in heaven laughs. 

The Lord scoffs at them. 

5 Then in anger he rebukes them, 

terrifying them with his fierce fury. 

6 For the Lord declares, “I have placed my chosen king on the throne 

in Jerusalem,[a] on my holy mountain.” 

7 The king proclaims the Lord’s decree: 

“The Lord said to me, ‘You are my son.[b] 

Today I have become your Father.[c] 

8 Only ask, and I will give you the nations as your inheritance, 

the whole earth as your possession. 

9 You will break[d] them with an iron rod 

and smash them like clay pots.’” 

10 Now then, you kings, act wisely! 

Be warned, you rulers of the earth! 

11 Serve the Lord with reverent fear, 

and rejoice with trembling. 

12 Submit to God’s royal son,[e] or he will become angry, 

and you will be destroyed in the midst of all your activities— 

for his anger flares up in an instant. 

But what joy for all who take refuge in him!

I am reminded that we don't fight against people or political parties, but against powers and rulers of the darkness who have already been defeated in Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:3-6). Regardless of who is President, King, Prime Minister, or Ruler, God is creator and Jesus sits on the throne as King forever and ever. 

So we wage war in prayer. I strongly recommend getting a copy of Attack Lambs by Mark Geppert and learning how to wage war in your prayer life. Meditate on this Word in Psalm 2 and let the peace of God pass all understanding. 

He said if we ask, He will give us the nations for our inheritance. Ask for Cambodia. Pray for this nation, pray for the people, for their protection, safety and that those who don't know Jesus would come to know Him. 

We can take a nation without firing a bullet, without violent demonstrations and I believe that if we pray that God would send laborers and then be willing to answer if He calls, we can see a nation that was known for its killing fields rise up, baptized and washed clean and come together in peace and unity that only Christ can bring. 

My heart is knit together with my friends and family in Cambodia. I pray for them and for this nation and I ask you to join me now and pray also. Let's watch and see what God can do when we come together in a prayer of agreement! 

Thank you and please pass this along! 

Home...

"Momma once told me, you're already home where you feel loved." -Lost in My Mind, Head and the Heart

I've had some time to reflect now on the events of the past few months. First, in the end of July came my 10 day trip to Cambodia and then the day after we left the Celebration of Hope Tour consisting of 5 adult leaders and 18 children departed from Cambodia to the U.S. for 6 weeks. August 14 I got in my car and drove a few miles down the road to their first performance in Ohio, at the company my dad works at. Later on they performed at my church and after much food and fellowship I had a huge sleepover with 21 members of my Khmer family :)

Phearum and Vireak playing the guitar and singing

The next morning was the first time I had to say good-bye and I returned to work that day in a daze, saddened, wanting more time to spend with everyone. Friday came and my wish was granted...what was supposed to be a one day visit with them in Pittsburgh at Kennywood Amusement Park turned into an extended stay until Sunday. Then the second good-bye came rather quietly.

Srey Leap and I

The next week I rejoined my new family and siblings on Thursday and this time stayed until Monday. When I count the days they don't seem to be that many...I can think of weeks that have gone by and nothing memorable happening.

Pisey, Srey Leak, Me, Srey Nou and Deborah

And then you have days where it seems every moment is precious and you try not to think of the minutes slipping by like sand in an hourglass, counting down until the time of your departure. Every moment is precious, every conversation so burned into my memory. Its those times and moments of intense socializing and talking that people open up. People who I didn't know 3 months ago I now count as precious friends, and people who I had briefly known before I know call brother and sister.

My mind drifted off to my last few days in Cambodia. The days were long, full of laughter and long rides in the van, conversations and singing and praying. They were full of life and living it in the best way possible: surrounded by like minded people who you were united to with a common goal and purpose. We drove into Phnom Penh 2 days before our departure, stopping at a children's home on the way. The afternoon had slipped quickly by and the sun sank in the sky as our van slowly pushed its way through the heavy crowds and jammed traffic. It was the last day to campaign before the elections and the streets were overflowed with crowded vans and people, music and voices and noise and smiling faces.

Me and my roommate/sister Kate

My sister Sothea :) 

I remember amid the chaos breathing a sigh of relief and feeling like I was arriving home. Peace washed over me, it was the gentle waves of the ocean and I was the shore, soaking it all in clinging and absorbing every ounce of it.

Long van rides are always fun

Dinner at one of the churches before a performance

I tried to keep my mind pre-occupied though...I didn't want to think about leaving that place. It was not that I did not want to see my parents or sleep in my own bed, but that I did not want to leave these people who I had become accustomed to, who were constantly in my presence. We had traveled together, eaten together, talked, cried, worshiped together. There was camaraderie and familiarity with those people.

My sweet new sister Thida 

Sponsor son Joseph and daughter Dim

Besides that, I think I had fallen in love with the children at the homes we visited. I am shy by nature and do my best to open up, but it is difficult and often requires time. I so wanted to spend more time, to be able to demonstrate that I cared and wanted to establish a relationship and bond with the kids at these homes and the house fathers and mothers and staff who watched over and took care of them.

Pastor Sinai and Somalay

Pastor Somalay and I talking

I was blessed with that opportunity when I was in Pittsburgh with the kids on the COH Tour. I got a chance to talk to the staff and play with the children. I observed how they functioned and interacted; it was like they were a family that had grown up together in the same house. I rode in the vans with them and we sang songs, and the attempted to teach me Khmer (I'm getting better!). We walked to the "market" or store and they bought skateboards and scooters and played outside.

We traveled to churches and I got to help with the photography and costume changes for the girls in between songs. I got to spend time with the older girls watching tv, talking, taking photos and doing each others hair.

And then we had to say good-bye for the third time. This time good-bye was final, at least for this trip. Tears abounded. Its been like 2 weeks since that happened and there are still some days that I cry. I've become addicted to facebook (I kind of already was...) in hopes of seeing updates and photos from the rest of the Tour on the West coast. My mind has already begun planning my next trip to Cambodia.

Through all these thoughts and meditations I realized something: I felt at home that day driving into Phnom Penh, I felt at home at the Super 8 hotel with 18 other Cambodian children eating Ramen noodles in the lobby and riding scooters in the parking lot. I felt at home as I sat and talked to my friend in my room when we had our Cambodian sleepover and she asked me to pray for her country and for peace.


Home has nothing to do with physical location. A house is built in one physical location, a home is built from love and friendship in the hearts of others. Home is the sense of belonging. I hope every person feels what I do when I am around my friends from SEAPC and NHO. Its a sense of love and belonging, like you've known these people for a lifetime and longer. These are friends who would lay down their lives for you and you lay down your lives for them. I realize that I continue to live in Ohio and that everyday routines must go on, but I look forward when I can again be "at home" whether that is with my family in Cambodia, my spiritual family in Oklahoma, or when friends gather in my house.

My good friends Hubert and Matthew

Home isn't necessarily where you are born or where you are right now, but a state of mind, a place where you belong and where you feel loved.

Welcome to the family!

sponsorship packet! 

I almost never get things in the mail. And when I do they're usually not very exciting...but there is one piece of mail that causes me to just about squeal with delight and rip it open as fast as possible: sponsorship packets from SEAPC.

I am blessed with sponsoring 2 children personally, 1 boy with funds raised from Cupcakes for Cambodia, and as the contact person for 5 children who I support with prayers and letters (they are supported financially by the company my dad works for).

But the family is growing! I just found out that my first daughter, Dim has a sister who has come to live in the Siem Reap Children's home. I also have 6 new children that I am contact for, and there are 4 more on the way.

Doeun, Dim's sister at Siem Reap

I couldn't have been happier to receive that lovely piece of mail...After spending 2 extended weekends with the kids on the celebration of hope tour and having to say good-bye I was really missing my Khmer family. I'm sure I will be busy writing letter, memorizing birthdays and thinking about Christmas presents!

Kosal Chean

It is such a blessing to be able build a relationship with every single child and teenager and watch as God fills them with hope, gives them a dream, places a fire in their heart to go out and change not only their lives but their nation and this world.

The stories and testimonies of the kids on the Celebration of Hope Tour was amazing. I can't wait to visit all my new sponsor kids/siblings and find out what dream God has placed in their heart, watch how their eyes light up because they have been given a hope and a future.

Thank you to the Southeast Asia Prayer Center and New Hope for Orphans staff and volunteers who pour out their lives for the lives of others. I think of you all often and pray for you daily. I am so thankful that God brought you into my life and how you've changed it to the better! Blessings on all of you and may you be graced to continue this good work.

Noy Khut

Chum Khut

With Love,
Dana

Bob Pata Lim

Makara Meun

Srey Nat Chor

Happy Anniversary!

Humans can be notorious for forgetting special occasions. Birthdays, anniversaries, where you had your first date, the first anniversary of your blog...

Guilty as charged. And now it has been 5 months since that special occasion (the first post was April 15, 2012) and I have yet to write a post to commemorate what a wonderful year it has been.

There have been been tears, smiles, celebrations. You've come with me across continents, been there with me through some of the my darkest hours and brightest days. I have changed so much this year and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sticking by me through the journey.

Another year has rolled by. I wish I had numbers of how many words I've written, how many pounds of butter, flour, sugar. How many miles we've traveled together, how many thoughts I've directed to you, dear reader.

We've seen the light of life dawn in this world as well as the light of others lives fade out. But hope is not extinguished and love never fades.

Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Without you these words, this cause, my thoughts and feelings written would be nothing.

You inspire me. You are the reason I write. You've encouraged me and loved me and your words I will always treasure in my heart.

Here is to many more years spent with you my readers! Here's to another year of adventure and excitement, updates and posts and photos. Here's to taking a journey together...Here's to you!

Happy anniversary!

i carry your heart, i carry it in my heart

I had to say good bye today to 18 people that I would consider family. My life has been changed irreversibly. I have 18 new friends, siblings, friends, brothers and sisters. We parted with tears and smiles, and I hold in my heart the hope that I will see them soon in Cambodia. 

The love that has filled up their lives has spilled over into mine. I was amazed at how they all bonded like they had been family all of their lives, even though they come from 12 different children's homes all over Cambodia. I was amazed at how loving and excepting they were of me. I don't know the language very well, I don't look the same or even come from the same kind of culture, but I found myself become family with each and every one of them. The older girls helped to teach me some Khmer and treated me like sisters; I found myself being frequently hugged by the younger girls and the boys lovingly gave me the nickname "Danasaur" when they figured out that Dana sounds a lot like the "dino" in "dinosaur." 

I was even given the honorary status of adopted Cambodian. There were no dividing lines, skin color, language barrier, culture differences. Everyone operated in love, we didn't notice the differences, we just focused on the fact that this was a Celebration of Hope. This hope is alive in the shining eyes of every kid as they dance flawlessly and it carries them as they travel state to state. You can see it in them when they get interviewed and they boldly announce what they dream of becoming: doctor, artist, translator, governor. They are full of hope and life and love and have taught me so much. I will miss them but I hold to my own hope that I will find myself back in their presence in Cambodia.

A few lines from my favorite poem:

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Until I see them all again, I carry their heart, I carry it in my heart.

With Love,
Dana

Blessed.

We are blessed to be a blessing.

But this time around as I try to bless others, I'm feeling like I'm getting more blessed in the process.

Pretty much since the day I got back from Cambodia I have been planning for when the Celebration of Hope Tour would come and perform at my dad's company and at our church. I tried to think of how I could possibly bless these people who had touched my life to the very core.

Getting ready to go to the animal park

I've never been the same since I traveled to Cambodia. I've seen these smiling faces, held some of their little hands, hugged them tightly. I've witnessed the joy and love that flows from their lives and how it spilled over into mine.

How can you possibly give that back in less than a 24 hour period?

Cupcakes were baked, food was prepared, we had all the children stay at our home and play and eat.

The experience of having all of them in my house is still very surreal! My heart is so full right now of the love I have for them and how blessed I was to watch them.

Regardless of how hard I tried to bless them, I still felt even more blessed. After their second performance that day everyone came back to my house for more food and I watched everyone playing and laughing. I sat and talked to new friends about hopes and dreams for the future and listened to one friend play the guitar.

Air mattresses were blown up, blankets, pillows and sheets collected and distributed and praise God everyone had a place to sleep (even thought it is much colder than they are used to in Cambodia!).

I left the basement after giving the boys extra blankets and pillows and checked the living room where the girls were sleeping on couches and recliners, nestled under a sea of blankets. I got to my room and looked at the peaceful sleeping faces of some of the girls who had drifted off to sleep and was so thankful to be able to share what I had with them.

Phally playing baseball

I found a spot on the floor and talked to another friend Pisey before we both fell to sleep. We talked about Cambodia and she asked me to pray for her country. Cambodia and her people are always on my heart to pray for them and as I drifted off to sleep I was so thankful to be able to talk with her and build another friendship. I have confidence that it will be a long friendship that will continue as I make trips back to Cambodia.

But last night it struck me even as I was thrilled to try and bless these kids, I realized that they have blessed me more. I was honored to have them in my home and to spend time with them as the take 6 weeks of their lives and pour into the lives of many Americans. I was blessed to talk and eat with them, to laugh and tell jokes and to just be their, soaking in how amazing it was to be there with them.

kids playing at the swingset and sandbox

I was blessed as Pastor Somalay shared her testimony with total transparency as well as Pisey. Pastor Sinai shared the vision and the dreams of New Hope for Orphans and a smile stretched across my face as I thought of the joy in each and every child in the children's homes in Cambodia and the hope that lives in their hearts now because of the love of Jesus and and the leaders who support them.

Vireak and Phearum

And they touched the hearts of so many dear friends. Our church was full of people who had come to see them perform and afterwards I heard many people say, "I can see now why you have such a heart for Cambodia and these kids." They too were touched by the contagious smiles, laughter, joy, love and hope that these children showed. I pray that they would always remember how their lives have been touched and that they would never be the same. To our hosts at Litco International and New Life Christian Center, thank you from the bottom of my heart for having the children come and perform. To everyone who helped with food and serving, I thank you for giving so much of your time and effort. That is truly a blessing. And to my 23 very good Cambodian friends and the Gepperts: thank you for pouring your lives out to touch the lives of others, for sharing your story without reservation, for showing love and giving it freely and for spending time with me. You have changed my life forever, for the better, and I am eternally grateful. God bless you.

I Love Cambodia

I could make excuses about jet lag, or being awake at 3 AM, or having to get used to Western food again (surprisingly) for why this post is so late.

But lets be honest...those would just be excuses and while all those things did happen, I just kept putting writing about my trip to Cambodia off. And dreaming that I was still there.

The faces and feelings and phrases that swirl around in your head don't begin to describe or even make sense of the events of a trip.

Marina, who was kind
enough to braid my hair
on a hot Cambodian day

Words can't really describe the way your heart is touched and life is changed. They merely scratch the surface. People ask if I'm glad to be home and its a tough question to answer. I'm glad to see my family and friends; its always nice to know that you have been missed very much and that you must be making some what of an impact that people realize you are gone. But on the other hand, I think back to smiling faces of children who you form a bond with so quickly you felt as if you had always been sitting on the step with them, as if you were a close relative who held them as a baby, watched them grow, and saw all the promise and potential hidden inside of them.

While I've only been away from home twice, I will say that coming home is (and I think always will be) bittersweet. It is as if your heart is torn in two...we visited 7 children's homes and while at the end of the day you are somewhat relieved to be heading back to your hotel to eat, rest and sleep in preparation for the next day, you lie in bed thinking of what impact you made, what lives you changed...and as I've discovered all the lives that have impacted and changed you.

My second or third day we visited the home where most of my sponsor kids and some sponsor kids that I support in prayers and encouragement live. I carried around a precious little 4 year old for several hours while we were there, not thinking about anything else but how long I had longed to be there and hold this child who for various reasons could not be held by her own mother. She is my first sponsor daughter, Dim, and has been at the children's home for a little under a year.

Friends and fellowship 

As we sat on the floor at some point in the day, one girl who was probably 7 or 8 looked up at me, smiled and asked if I was Dim's mother. I smiled, nodded and thought in my mind what would be the right way to answer. Was it presumptuous if I said yes? She did have a mother somewhere, who unfortunately could not make enough money to support her. She also had a house-mother who takes care of 30+ other children as well as her own. She was there every morning to watch over her, dress her, brush her hair. I can't be there everyday to do those things, but I think of her often, pray for her daily...I guess you can say she has been blessed with many mothers who all play a vital role in drawing out her potential and watching her grow in Christ.

Dim, taking a picture of herself with my phone

She's completely changed since the last time I saw her. When I visited Cambodia last September she was very reserved, shy, quiet. I later found at that she had only been dropped off at the home 2 weeks prior to our visit. But this time when our van pulled up I saw her and my sponsor son Joseph start to come near the van from farther away, looking to see if I was there (our van was about 15 minutes later getting there than the other vans). As we drew closer their walk turned into a run and I don't think I have had a happier moment in my life.

These kids are so full of live, love, joy. They call you "momma" or "sister", grab your arm, hold your hand, hug you. It doesn't matter that you don't speak Khmer or some of them don't speak English. Non-verbal communication dominates and you just look at each other and smile. It wasn't easy to finally have to say good-bye that day to these children who were in my prayers and mind. But I have hope that I will see them again soon, and this is just the beginning of many trips to walk among nations and people.

Visiting a home
and getting to see this boy
that I pray for daily

I am so grateful to the amazing brothers and sisters in Cambodia. They took time away from their families and lives to travel with us and translate for us. They were patient with our large team and with each one of us individually, answering questions, taking the time to make conversation and taking care of details for our comfort and convenience.

I'm thankful for my friends in the States who have dedicated their lives to the nations. They take time away from their families to spend 20+ hours on airplaines, in airports, on dirt roads and in straw huts. They are patient, loving, kind...always generous and I am so thankful that I was invited. Their humility amazes me, and there are many times where I stop, thinking how surreal a situation is and wondering why in the billions of people on earth I was chosen to be blessed with the opportunities I have received.

Makara 

My heart can't express enough the godly love I feel for these dear friends, how grateful I am, how in awe of them I am. The diversity and unity, the laughing and bonding, the rejoicing together and sharing memories, memories that are engrained within me...I make it my aim to show that same love, exhibit that same humility, give of myself as generously to all I meet and in every opportunity giving thanks.

To the people of America and Cambodia: I love you and am eternally grateful.

Adventures and packing and toys...oh my!

I don't know if you all have forgotten about Octo-mom, but in case you have, here's a recap:

One mother. Eight babies.

One of the nicer pictures of Octo-mom I could find

That pretty much sums it up, and like other odd ball news stories I'm not sure why the story was so famous except for this single mother was pregnant with 8 babies (she already had twins or triplets that were older I think) and she had and kept all 8, albeit with lots of help from friends and family. And everyone thought she was crazy.

So why am I talking about this?

Because while shopping for a few hours the other day, I think I realized what it would be like to take a walk in her shoes. Or any mother's perhaps.

Dim with her birthday present in Feb.

In preparation for my trip to Cambodia I decided I wanted to get some gifts for my sponsor kids. Dim was my first sponsor child (she just turned 4) and I met her on my first trip to Cambodia. Joseph was sponsored second through money raised from Cupcakes for Cambodia's orders (and his sponsorship is paid up through 2013...yay! Thanks to everyone who ordered and donated!). Then some months ago the company my dad works for who sponsors 5 kids asked if I would be their contact, someone who writes the kids letters and prays for them daily, because they know my heart for Cambodia and the New Hope kids. Of course I gladly accepted, went out that night to get picture frames and proudly displayed them around the house. Bam! Five more kids.

The girls! (but not all of them)

The latest addition to the family came this spring, a girl who is just a few months younger than me, and I think of her as a sister.

Fast forward to this weekend and last night and there I was, wondering around the mall and K-mart with these types of questions flooding my mind:

"What kind of toys does a 10 year old boy play with?"

"What if they don't like this color?"

"Should I get markers or crayons?"

"Would kazoos for all the kids drive the houseparents and care takers crazy?"

"I wonder if this will fit in my suitcase/make it through customs/fit on the van on the ride to the home..."

(everyone can rest easy...no kazoos were purchased)

There I was, 8 kids, different ages, genders, different hobbies and various colors that they had named as their favorite. There I was confused as ever, but determined to force my brain to be logical, think very hard and quit worrying about every single detail and not be like crazy Octo-mom having a breakdown in the middle of the toys isle.

I'm sure I got some interesting looks though when I came to the register with all the hubba bubba bubble gum that was on the candy shelf, jump ropes and 12 bottles of nail polish...

Am I the only one who love this stuff as a kid? 

What I'm really hoping for is to just show these kids how much they are loved, cared for and thought about.

I'm sure I'll be writing a follow up post with lots of pictures of when I get to hand out the presents, and if you find me in the toy isle, an encouraging word is always helpful :)

9 days

9 days, 18 hours, 1 minute and 48 seconds.

I have a countdown on my phone for the exact time my flight departs Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. After 22 hours of travel I will land in Phnom Penh Cambodia.

I'm just a little bit excited. Sometimes I feel like a balloon about to pop and anyone who has tried to generate casual conversation with me the past few days has only heard me open up my mouth to gush about the wonders of Cambodia, how much I love the kids, how long I will be there...



I'm doing it again aren't I?

But after 10 long months of waiting I'm finally going back! YIPPEE!

Regardless of how much I may talk about it, I feel like words just can't describe the multitude of feelings that come rushing in when I think about the trip. Excitement, wonder, awe, impatience to get there. I feel a bit nervous too. I'll be meeting many of the kids again, but this time some of them I sponsor, some I pray for every night, some I know from the dozen of pictures on facebook.

I think about the staff and caregivers in the children's homes, what sacrifices they have made, the daily exercises in patience, love and being a parent figure to 20 or 30 children. I'm amazed by the unconditional love they show and have for the orphaned, abandoned, hungry and poor.

I think about the kind of lives these kids might have led, what those precious little eyes have seen that they shouldn't have, what they have felt and experienced that someone that young should not have.

You would never be able to tell that any one of them has ever faced a problem though. Joy bubbles over in their laughter and smiles, huge grins because they love getting their picture taken, they love running up to visitors and singing and dancing for them.

And suddenly your heart is overwhelmed with the self less love they demonstrate to you that I just want to give them everything. I want to demonstrate the love Jesus has for them. I want to give them gifts, give them words of encouragement, communicate just how precious, how unique they are and let their wide eyes see just how big they can dream, just how bright their future is. Brighter than stars, brighter than the sun blazing hot on a Cambodian summer day. Everything they have overcome at their young age, and they still beam a smile. That's hope. New hope. A generation in Cambodia is rising, one that will walk away from the dark night of the past and into the dazzling light of a promising future.

Those words don't even begin to describe the joy the smiling faces of those kids.

Of course, I run into people that don't understand. When I say I'm going to Cambodia they look at me as if I had a third eye. I just smile and try to explain and I accept the fact that some people will never understand. They are family, friends, well meaning people who will unintentionally try to put as much fear in me as possible with questions about the food, water, safety and traveling. Just smile and nod.

I myself can't give any definitive answer as to why Southeast Asia...why not Africa, Nepal, the Fiji islands, Europe where I had always wanted to travel. Why not here in the US? But when a love overtakes your heart, you don't just shrug it off. You learn to love back, love the people and their culture, their ways and habits and think of them as family.

I'm discovering that life is so much more meaningful when you live with an open heart, wherever you are. I am so thankful that so many have opened their heart and trusted me, and I intend to pay that forward to others.